I’m certain this post isn’t for you. But, if you have made up your mind to be careless with your career as an aspiring author and fail as a first-time published author, then this post was written for you.
No one wants to be associated with the term failure, the same way no one plans to deliberately fail at something.
If we’re honest, what makes something impossible is not our fear. Rather, it is our indifference.
― Craig D. Lounsbrough
Every creator – you and me inclusive – strives for success, and every young, aspiring, and budding author like you, dreams to become a successfully published author one day.
To achieve that status of success, you’ll have to first set up yourself to achieve those accolades and write your first book of course.
This means you’ll need to sacrifice a lot to get where you have envisioned for yourself.
However, there is a thin line between success and failure, and you could fall prey to these subtle – not so subtle – factors that will jeopardize your strive for success as a first-time published author.
You may not believe me, but it is easier to fail at being a published author than you think because writing a book isn’t about its quantity, how dedicated you were to write your story, or how long it took to finish it; it is about all the little parts that make your story exceptional even as a beginner.
So, if you wish to succeed as a published author, this post is not for you.
But if you are hellbent on committing career suicide, I have taken my time to outline 15 simple tips on how to fail as a first-time published author.
15 Simple Tips on How to Fail As A First-Time Published Author
How to Fail – Tip #1
Don’t concern yourself with writing a compelling and relatable story. Just chug out as many words as possible, slap in a few unrealistic twists, and spin your tale however you wish because that is all that’s needed in a story.
How to Fail – Tip #2
Do not – I repeat – Do not concern yourself to check for typographical errors, plot holes, timeline mix-ups, and whatnot. Don’t do that. Instead, I beg you to allow it to jump out of the pages and scare your readers to hell.
How to Fail – Tip #3
Don’t concern yourself with reworking/re-examining your first draft after you are done. I bet it is a total waste of creative energy that could be spent elsewhere, whereas, you are confident that your readers have the psychic abilities to sift through all that mess.
How to Fail – Tip #4
Do not concern yourself with making your book covers look professionally made and genre-based. It is dangerous territory to even think about it. I strongly advise you to slip on your designing hat – get one if you don’t have one yet – and design away at your will. That will surely do the trick for you.
How to Fail – Tip #5
Writing an engaging blurb is tiring and inconsequential since it just sits pretty at the back of your book cover. So, do not concern yourself with such strenuous exercise because your readers will magically decipher what your story is about from your poorly designed cover and still rush in headfirst to get your book.
Kudos to you. Your plan to fail is already in motion.
How to Fail – Tip #6
Having an online presence is tedious, demanding, and very stressful, so, do not concern yourself with making an appearance. Everyone should know – without being told – that you are an author and should be accorded recognition as such.
How to Fail – Tip #7
Formatting your book interior is for fools who have enough time to waste on futile endeavors. Why bother formatting when you can slam your words together on a page and hit the big black publish button and be well on your way?
So, avoid it at all costs since your readers will be able to navigate and differentiate between chapters on their own.
How to Fail – Tip #8
Who says creating an author’s website is necessary? To solidify your depths of failure, don’t concern yourself with having a platform to call your own. Anyone seeking to know more about you should ask around or pick up the phone.
How to Fail – Tip #9
Don’t concern yourself with marketing and publicity for your book even before you draft it. All the work is done after writing and publishing your book because the rest is up to the world to decide and your lucky charm to sustain.
How to Fail – Tip #10
Don’t concern yourself with budgeting for your book publishing project. Everything you need to make your book successful will fall like manna from heaven for your sake. Nicely thought, author.
How to Fail – Tip #11
Do not concern yourself with asking for feedback and reviews from your audience. Assume they already know what to do – like rating your book, leaving reviews, or reposting/resharing. Yes, assumption works just fine too.
How to Fail – Tip #12
Don’t concern yourself with publishing across many online platforms, rather keep all your eggs in one basket by publishing only your sites for private eyes only. This is exactly how your book will sell out on tons and make you successful and a bestseller.
How to Fail – Tip #13
Publishing only e-book copies and thinking your work is done. Do not bother about creating and publishing your story in other formats like – paperbacks, hardbacks, and audiobooks (If you can afford them) – for diverse readers and reading communities.
Rather, expect readers to change their taste in reading materials for your sake. That is an awesome idea, author.
How to Fail – Tip #14
Seal up your creative spring after publishing your first book. Do not be bothered with writing/drafting other stories to add to your portfolio as an author, because that one book will do the trick for you. If it worked for others, it should work for you too.
Keep flogging that horse. It’s worth it.
How to fail – Tip #15
Showing up on your social pages is a total waste of precious time that should be diverted elsewhere. Do not be bothered to share your reviews, story snippets, teasers, short excerpts, shares, and what not to entice your audience. Go AWOL on your audience and allow your potential audience to do the background checks themselves.
That about seals the lid on your efforts to effortlessly fail as a first-time published author which is just perfect.
Writing and publishing your first book isn’t all there is to becoming a successful first-time author. There is a whole lot more involved from the minute you begin to nurse the idea of your story, writing your story, and publishing it.
I shot myself in the foot with half the tips listed but eventually retraced my steps as I learned more and gained insights into the world of writing and publishing.
In hindsight, this post was written to guide you away from self-destruction and career suicide traps you may be setting for yourself because you didn’t know better.
But, now that you know better, and still wish to go ahead with these tips, by all means, be my most esteemed guest.